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Wednesday, September 08, 2004
memories started flashing back, 2gether wif the feelings, the bitterness, the hurt, the hatred, the betrayal i felt. i tld Yus a blurry version of wat had happened in YJC den. i haf nvr been a gd storyteller n cant remember much of wat happened 2 dis dae. i onli remember the hard facts n the bitterness. when we 1st started sch in YJC in 2001 in Apr, Joo, Peiming, Shan, Liyi n i often hung out 2gether. i mean we formed dis clique. h/w, as Shan n Liyi weren't in our class, Joo, Peiming n i spent most of the time 2gether. i had always tot tt i was closer 2Peiming or liked her more cos i felt she was a mature n fun gal who knew a lot of things. i enjoyed her co. n we wld meet in AMK MRT station 2go 2sch 2gether. but i guess i was wrong. all of a sudden in May 2001, i thnk, she started giving me the cold shoulder. she wldn't tok 2me, sit wif me, or even look @ me @ the veri least. dere's dis phrase tt she said which is 1 of the phrases she said tt i remember veri well even 2dis dae. she was referring 2someone else, Ziru, but i guess it might as well be applied 2me. she said agitatedly tt "wo yi zhi bu xiang gen ta jia hua, ke shi ta yi zhi gen wo jia hua". she said something like tt. i knew i wasn't imagining things, tt she was realli ignoring me. i mean @ tt pt. in time, i hope i was imagining things, i wld rather i was imagining things. anyway, it all turned out 2b true. @ 1st, i asked her if i had done anything wrong 2make her angry cos i felt tt she was ignoring me. h/w, she said i was being oversensitive n dere was nuthing of the sort. but stil, she kept on ignoring me. den in betw. some things happened...or a few days passed which i cant remember. again, i plucked up my courage 2call Peiming @ hm, 2ask her if we cld sort it out or something. she said we wld discuss it on Mon, in front of Joo, which wld b better. i agreed. tt dae i called her up, it was on a Sat. u can imagine my agony over the weekends. i cldn't wait 4 Mon 2cum. den on Mon, i asked her 1st thing in sch. i stil remember our 1st pd was a break n the 3 of us were all in the study rm or something. when i asked her, she retorted in a veri-not-nice tone n said "wo xian zai xin qing bu hao, wo men ke yi yi hou zai jia ma?" Joo cld onli gif me a helpless expression. she was sitting bside her, while i was sitting a few seats away frm 'em. tt was it! my heart was breaking n anger was coursing thru my veins all @ the same time. i nvr spoke 2her again til the end of J2. officially den, i had no frens watsoever. i was devastated, i was desperate, i was everything a depressed person wld b. i cldn't study. the 1st thing i remembered when i woke up everyday in the morning was our damaged frenship. i had onli known Peiming 4 ard a mth n i was aldy tt affected. i tot if it had been my bf, i wld haf committed suicide dere n den. h/w, the best time of my life soon came afterwards. Br, Shenn, Chris, Kw n Xinyi all accepted me into their grp. i had nvr felt so grateful. soon later, Joo, Shan n Liyi broke away frm Peiming n joined us, n we began our "yi qi kai shi de lu cheng". 1 of the reasons y i like F4 so much, much 2 the dislike of everyone, is cos it was wif 'em, our Gong Chang family, tt i chased after the celebrities 4 the 1st time. we even went 2watch the real meteor rain 2gether, agst the backgrd music of F4's song "liu xing yu". recently, we even went 2watch "yan huo de ji jie" 2gether, although our grp had shrunk. now everytime when i hear "liu xing yu" or "di yi shi jian", it will bring back happy memories of our times 2gether. it's like i wan 2hold on 2something tt reminds me of our happy YJC lives. i'm so afraid tt Yus will thnk i am "tiao bo li jian" or tt she will take sides (although i'm quite sure she wun). dis has brought up all the insecurities tt i haf felt in SIM 2the surface again. OMG, i dun wanna feel sad all ovr again. it has been such a crazee emotional rollercoaster ride. haizz...i wan 2write more but i'm so tired...mabbe i'll continue some other dae, i.e., if i stil haf the gan jue 2write. Posted by Jasmine Ho Si Hui at |
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about me  My name: Jasmine Ho Si Hui Birth date: 7th July 1984 clock |
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